On my mood chart today, I charted all 5’s. There were some times that probably could have been a low 6, but I was generous with my number again. I bought a few things, but perhaps more out of the habit of buying things on my lunch break every day. Well, probably not. My anxiety levels were kinda through the roof for a few hours though so I’m not sure what’s going on with that. I don’t know if it’s a side effect issue or just a me issue.
I kinda hate when I feel better one or two days in on a new med because I know the med isn’t working that fast and it becomes hard to tell if I’m just breaking out of the cycle or if the medication is working. Not that I’m complaining, more just wondering if it’s possible for a medicine to work quickly. Three days in on Topamax I felt better and then two days after that I was right back. I think I give myself pre-kick-in placebo effects sometimes. I want them to work so bad I trick myself into thinking they are but I can only fool my brain for a few days.
Anxiety today was mostly more work stuff. I have to go out of town on a business trip which is always high stress for me. I can’t fly, so I get to drive for hours. I’m a picky eater and they supply food I can’t eat. Then there’s the worst part – hotels. Hotels are big on my list of things I just don’t like. I hate being alone at night and I’ll be alone. In a hotel. I don’t know why hotels freak me out but they do. I feel like I’m going to get killed or something. Or that the hotel will be haunted by ghosts of people who might have died there. All sorts of random things I just don’t like. So I spent at least two hours today freaking out over it.
I’m sure I had more to day, but my brain just turned off and I can’t remember anything else from today and everything is suddenly kinda fuzzy. So I guess I’m done.