I’m feeling a little better today, aside from a pounding headache brought on by trying to take a practice algebra test. My first test (the class is online) is due this weekend, so I was trying to study with the practice exam. Both the test and the practice are 40 question. I got through 20 before my head started to kill me and I haven’t been able to get it to stop so I can finish. Not sure what I’m going to do when I have to take the real test with a time limit.
I played with my son for a while today. I don’t get to do that much since I’m usually low on energy levels. Even when I have the energy, I usually don’t know what exactly to do with him. I’ve been through so much junk in my life that’s it has made me this overly serious person and I don’t interact on that fun, creative, playful level that I used to be able to anymore. I can be sarcastic and witty, but sitting around playing with toy cars drives me nuts after about thirty minutes. I feel really bad about it because I feel like I should be doing those things even if I don’t like them because, you know, that’s what moms do. I’m no good at doing stuff I don’t like to do though. It’s like my body won’t let me. If I don’t like something my eyes start to get heavy and I end up passing out. It’s really frustrating.
As usual, this leaves me feeling like Worst Mom Ever. I don’t ever feel like a decent mom. People tell me I am, but they don’t know that I don’t know how to play with my son. I read to him. I know how to do that. I can teach him right from wrong and I’m good with time outs. I have a short fuse though and I fuss a lot more than I should and I feel bad about that too. I feel bad about a lot of things I do to my son. I feel bad that he has to grow up with a crazy mom.
I think that’s all I have to say right now. Short post for once. Way to go, me.