Algebra and Parenting

I’m feeling a little better today, aside from a pounding headache brought on by trying to take a practice algebra test.  My first test (the class is online) is due this weekend, so I was trying to study with the practice exam.  Both the test and the practice are 40 question.  I got through 20 before my head started to kill me and I haven’t been able to get it to stop so I can finish.  Not sure what I’m going to do when I have to take the real test with a time limit.

I played with my son for a while today.  I don’t get to do that much since I’m usually low on energy levels.  Even when I have the energy, I usually don’t know what exactly to do with him.  I’ve been through so much junk in my life that’s it has made me this overly serious person and I don’t interact on that fun, creative, playful level that I used to be able to anymore.  I can be sarcastic and witty, but sitting around playing with toy cars drives me nuts after about thirty minutes.  I feel really bad about it because I feel like I should be doing those things even if I don’t like them because, you know, that’s what moms do.  I’m no good at doing stuff I don’t like to do though.  It’s like my body won’t let me.  If I don’t like something my eyes start to get heavy and I end up passing out.  It’s really frustrating.

As usual, this leaves me feeling like Worst Mom Ever.  I don’t ever feel like a decent mom.  People tell me I am, but they don’t know that I don’t know how to play with my son.  I read to him.  I know how to do that.  I can teach him right from wrong and I’m good with time outs.  I have a short fuse though and I fuss a lot more than I should and I feel bad about that too.  I feel bad about a lot of things I do to my son.  I feel bad that he has to grow up with a crazy mom.

I think that’s all I have to say right now.  Short post for once.  Way to go, me.

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About Kira

How do you say "I hate the about me section" without sounding cliche? I haven't found a way yet, so instead you'll now be subjected to random bits of info so you at least know what the blog is about. I'm a 26 year old wife and fairly new mom trying to make a life for myself and my family. These things should be run of the mill, but alas, I have Bipolar (amongst other diagnoses that I have long since lost track of). So here I am, trying to juggle a professional career, marriage, motherhood...and my own general crazy. All the rest of the "about me" sordid details will have to come in time, but the bottom line is that I need somewhere to vent that makes me feel like I'm being heard (even if no one ever reads this) and if along the way I can help another person or two then all the better. **Full Disclaimer** For the record, Kira is not my real name. Pretty much everyone I know is aware of all of my issues, but I do have a career and such and need to keep some level of privacy due to that. And, well, I'm paranoid. View all posts by Kira

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