Crash and Burn

I find myself crashing more on this new 3/day Adderall script.  I also find I’m more tired in the morning taking Lamictal 2/day.  I hate med changes.  The Adderall boost in the afternoon helps, but the mid day crashes leave me exhausted and drained.

On the plus side, the extra Lamictal seems to be helping and I feel less depressed.  Not sunshine and daisies or anything, but better.

Haven’t posted much because there hasn’t been much to say.  I’ve been busy with work and school but generally feeling unmotivated and doing as little as possible to get by with those things.  Where I was making 30 calls a day for work, I now make 10 on a good day.  I was spending 3+ hours a day on school and now if I spend one I’m lucky.  I’m just too tired or something.  I can’t muster the energy or ambition to do anything.

Ambition.  That’s it.  I’m usually such a go getter.  It’s like I just don’t care now.  I’m unhappy with mediocre results, but want to put in mediocre effort.  Clearly a mismatch there.  Something needs to give.  At some point my grades or income will drop and I’ll be in deep you know what.

Hubby and I are going out next weekend.  That should be a nice change of pace.  It’s something we really needed.  Our anniversary is coming up so it’ll be good to reflect on what went well and what didn’t this year.  It’s also a chance to start clean for our next year together.

Look at that.  Some optimism.  Courtesy of Lamictal.  Thank goodness for drug induced happiness.

Hopefully this coming week will bring with it some much needed energy and some serious motivation before things start to go to hell in a hand basket, as my grandmother would have said.

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About Kira

How do you say "I hate the about me section" without sounding cliche? I haven't found a way yet, so instead you'll now be subjected to random bits of info so you at least know what the blog is about. I'm a 26 year old wife and fairly new mom trying to make a life for myself and my family. These things should be run of the mill, but alas, I have Bipolar (amongst other diagnoses that I have long since lost track of). So here I am, trying to juggle a professional career, marriage, motherhood...and my own general crazy. All the rest of the "about me" sordid details will have to come in time, but the bottom line is that I need somewhere to vent that makes me feel like I'm being heard (even if no one ever reads this) and if along the way I can help another person or two then all the better. **Full Disclaimer** For the record, Kira is not my real name. Pretty much everyone I know is aware of all of my issues, but I do have a career and such and need to keep some level of privacy due to that. And, well, I'm paranoid. View all posts by Kira

3 responses to “Crash and Burn

  • James Claims

    I’ve found lamictal doing the same thing for me. When I went on it, I was severely depressed. It didn’t give me the spiked happiness that anti-depressants gave me (which was a glorious mania), but it just cut out the lows. Even now, it just evens out the bottom which makes it tolerable. I’m curious though, does lamictal also give you insanely vivid dreams? I’ve noticed that whenever my dose is changed it really drive me up a wall and causes some blurring between reality and dreams.

    • Kira

      I’ve never had an anti-depressent make me manic. Isn’t it strange how they can cause such different reactions? I’ve had them make me suicidal or just do nothing though.

      You know, yesterday I would have said no but last night (one week into the upped dose of Lamictal) I had very intense and vivid dreams. When my husband woke me up I wasn’t sure what was going on and if I was awake or asleep. I hardly ever dream so it was a very odd experience for me. How long does that last for you when you change doses?

  • starsworth

    Hey Kira – I can’t really keep up with people’s journals here, and WordPress sort of took me by storm in a way that was quite unsettling. I privatized my blog but it may still be going to your Inbox. I tried to set it so that it would so let me know. Thanks, Andy

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