I’m now convinced Geodon is the prescription version of cocaine. I’ve never actually done that aside from traces in my otherwise lovely pills from yesteryear, but when they had them in it I felt exactly like I did on Geodon. The withdrawal has been similar as well. I still can’t sleep (taking Ambien, Xanex, and Melatonin). I’m now sick (drugs that function like that seem to lower your immune system). I’d hate to see what happened if I took this pill for a year and came off of it. I think more testing was needed before big pharma released this one. For all that, someone just write me a script for MDMA and let’s call it a day. Less side effects, happier me.
I don’t know what to make of Abilify. It’s not making me sleepy (plus), my head is still mostly quiet (plus) but I seem to be spending money again (not so much a plus). I also feel like I’ve gotten very boring and I can’t think of things to talk about which isn’t so great for my job. Watching my weight closely because if I gain more than 5 pounds this pill can go to hell and we’ll try again.
Finally up to 100mg of Lamictal. Only seemed to take a year to do. Debating going to the doctor tomorrow to up it to 200mg and maybe up the Abilify to kill off the last of the crazy.
Side note, I hate news. I have to keep up with these things because of my job, but before that I had stopped paying attention because news literally stresses me out so bad my heart races. Nation deficit? War? Murder? Economic recession? Panic. These are things therapists say are out of my realm of control and thus I should not freak out over them. Nothing I can do, move along. All well and good in theory, but all that bad stuff makes me start to think the world might really end in 2012 or something because everything seems so awful.
Because I couldn’t learn to stop worrying, I just stopped paying attention. Ignorance is bliss after all. Alas, now I must keep up to date. More than ever, I’m starting to buy the BS doomsday folk spout off. If the world does end, I’m blaming the media. Perhaps if they didn’t make everyone feel like the world was ending every day, things would be better. I know my clients and I would sleep better at night. No clue if that idea has any merit, but it’s my opinion and I get to have it.
I also used to be big into politics and now I refuse to vote for just about anything. Generally I disagree with everyone and I can’t bring myself to vote for someone who has stupid ideas. I’m too small government for either party. Democrats spend too much on stupid things and Republicans spend less and say “small government” but then turn around and want to say who you can marry and if you have to have babies. That’s still big government in my eyes. So none of you asses get my vote. I’d go vote Libertarian, but why wait in line for an hour to vote for someone with no shot of winning? If there was a shot, I’d wait however long I needed to. But there’s not and I’m lazy. Plus I don’t think I should be forced to pick between two shit choices. Given crap choice A and crap choice B, I choose not to pick.
My mom says this means I don’t get to bitch about politics anymore. Mostly I don’t (again – stresses me out), but if someone does something stupid, I get to complain regardless of if I voted or not. So there.
Ending the rant. News overkill does that to me. I need to go back to CNN Money instead of constant news stream on my radio all day.